peevesies: i went down to the middle school today for relay for life and i saw my old social studies teacher i had a crush on (don’t talk to me) and he was like “hey how are you i haven’t seen you in ages?” and the first thing i blurted out was “I JUST TURNED 18” and jesus christ if that’s not the thirstiest thing i’ve said in my whole life
Person: Rape is just surprise sex.
Me: Killing you would just be giving you a surprise nap.
alltimeangela: why does leonardo dicaprio always end up dead in the water with no girlfriend
aangnog: sorry i only like boys i would never have a chance with
plot twist: you wake up skinny, beautiful, intelligent and everyone loves you